A Planet Of Playthings

I want to know why nothing ever works out to my benifit. Not just my benefit but our benefit. Our, being the human race.
Why is it that the laws of nature or the universal standard or whatever you want to call it, always works against us?
For instance, if you eat Moon Pies three or four times a day, everyday, you will die. Same goes for Goo Goo Clusters, Baby Ruths, Butterfingers, Twinkies… The list goes on and on. Why does it work that way?
The pleasure receptors in my brain say that eating this stuff is good so I do it. And I die. What kind of plan is that?
Supposedly scientists say that the pleasure sensation is what pushes us to do mother natures bidding, such as having sex to reproduce the species. So mother nature figures that if she makes sex pleasurable then we will do it more than we even have to, to keep the species alive. And she’s right. We do. And this is good for all of us all around. But beyond the reproduction of our species, pleasure receptors in our brains are more like little Greeks hiding out inside their Trojan horse just waiting for the chance to do us all in.
These pleasure receptors tell us to eat too much and get fat and die. They tell us to engage in snorting, drinking, smoking and injecting pleasurable substances into our bodies, until we die. They urge us on to over indulge in the very reason we have them, reproduction instincts, until we catch some horrible disease and die.
That’s just from the inside.
From the outside we also have just about everything working against us. First and foremost is the fact that every animal’s deepest need is to eat and, in a lot of cases, we could be that meal. Why can’t we all just get along?
Just today I was dusting and it just seemed like a futile, never ending endeavor. I couldn’t help but think that it just figures that good old mother nature would have to go and make the earth out of dirt. The one thing that causes so much extra work in trying to rid ourselves of it. You have to shower to get it off you and you have to vacuum and dust and sweep to get it out of your house.
Wouldn’t a nice glass earth have done the trick just fine? Then there would be no dirt to get everywhere and turn into mud when it rained. No dusting, no sweeping, no vacuuming…. no showering.
It would be sunny twenty four hours a day because when the sun was on the other side of the world it would just shine right on through the earth and we would all be warm and sunny all the time.
Scientists could more easily find the massive quantities of oil that I require to keep my SUV running and my house air conditioned because all they would have to do is literally “look” for it.
We could start manufacturing large quantities of super glue and storing it out in space somewhere so that if the earth is ever hit by an asteroid we could just glue it back together. But everyone must understand and accept the fact that there WILL be that one little sliver of earth that we will just not be able to find in order to glue it all back together like new. Oh and everyone also should understand that no matter how well our repairs of earth are carried out, it will be noticed by some geek appraiser from Antiques Roadshow. A good rule of thumb for future generations would be to just not take earth on the show to have it appraised, no matter how old and rare they believe it to be. They’re just setting themselves up for disappointment.
The biggest advantage to having a glass earth may just be the fact that we could look up the dresses of all those little Asian women.
I’m just saying that it just seems like there could be one thing that would work out in our favor but have you ever heard of a virus that miraculously returns everyone to the state they were in at age sixteen? How about a cigar that opens up the lungs and has a regenerative effect on the alvioli? What if chocolate was a fat burner that made you lose weight and added twenty years to your life?
These are kind of big things that I guess would be too good to come true but what about a little thing like straightening up the earth so that it is a constant seventy degrees year round everywhere? Or maybe just not getting fat from eating those frozen, caramel covered, chocolate turtle pies everyday of your life? Maybe gaining just one or two IQ points over the course of your life that could solidly be linked to having watched every episode of “The Simpsons”?
Ok, if I could just have one plus I would ask that peoples singing voices not develop until they are at least twenty-eight so that we will never have to be subjected to another “New Kids On The Block” or Brittany Spears or Jessica Simpson or any of those sappy adolescent droners.